timeclock...

i think about u everyday...i doont know if i actually like u, or u r just there. do i just wait for u to call me and going on with my life, dropping everything at a moments notice? do i want more of u? what do u want from me....

Guy on the side

I am officially an asshole. I have been seeing the bosses boyfriend simce xmas...wtf? I don't even know why. He is funny...and the idea that he wants to see me is exciting...i look forward to hearing from him. i don't know what will become of this. He says he will always want and need me...i don't know how to take that.

fantasy

When things seem to be their worse something changes, not big, but something that makes me think a permanat way out is too permanant. Death is final...do i really want to miss out on so.e of the small things I would? Is it worth it? Do I really know what happens after i am gone? could everything i beleive just be a fantasy? I dont know if it is worth the risk....I would lose it all...but do i eveb want it all. I am so alone in the world...how to i come to be the person i am? i dont even recognize my life. so many of the things in it are not me....what happens next....

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Where is my soul?

My first post...I do not anticipate I will have any one reading this, but it will be nice to clear my mind here.

The past 8 months have been a living hell. I am dead inside. Has my soul left me, and my brain is just figuring it out?? I wonder lately how people live so long. Can I keep going day after day in this shell of a body? I am going through the motions, everyday a fight to keep going. Why? I don't know...I don't know the problem or the answer.

I have decided to live each day as though it were my last. I really don't want to be here anymore...but maybe, just maybe if I can look back at the day and see what I would have missed...I can change that.